As survivors, be it with/from Lupus, Fibromyalgia, (any type of ) cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure or cholesterol, or whatever other diagnosis you may have that affects your style of life, we should KNOW OUR BODIES! and that includes the amount of pressure and stress that we put on them mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
No one knows the daily pain that you suffer through on a REGULAR basis therefore, they will not understand your "NO" (which by the way is a complete sentence) when you say that you are unable to do something that THEY want!
Now, if you choose to forge ahead and push beyond your limits, then let it be a conscious choice on your part. I've done it time and time again but, this time is the last time for a good time because I have to first and foremost take care of ME!
The consequences of me running races and driving endless hours up and down the highway, mowing the lawn and just plain staying physically active has resulted in a condition know as Osteitis Pubis. Now, rest assured that this condition will NOT stop me from doing ANY of the aforementioned activities but what it will do (has done, is doing) is teach me that I have one more thing to factor into my NO response. Hey, that's why learning is an on-going process right?!
Learning to function on a level of as close to normal as possible takes strength and a measure of determination that allows you to overcome and persevere through the hardest of times and the most difficult of situations. That learning also entails understanding your thinking, your body and your spirit. You are ALWAYS your first line of preventative in any given circumstance and your body is not going to lie to you. Let it tell you how it feels and act accordingly.
Scientifically, mythologically, or just naturally, women love emotionally and because of this we tend to hold onto the simplest of reminders of a love so true, a hurt so deep or a feeling so strong. Can’t explain it but, the very smell of his cologne, the sound of his voice or the coldness of the empty space in the bed that once offered warmth, seems to send our minds into a tailspin, if only for a memorable moment.
So, when I heard the song “Hoodie” and got hooked on the melody and started vibing to the rhythm, I read the lyrics. HA!
You'd probably think I was psychotic (if you knew)
What I still got in my closet (sad but true)
Slip it on over my shoulders
Something I'll never get over
It makes me feel a little bit closer to you
I can't keep your love
I can't keep your kiss
Gave you everything and all I got was this
I'm still rocking your hoodie
Amazing right! Even when we are hurt – we love! Even when we are disappointed – we love! Even when we know the negative outcome – we love!
But, never let the fact that WE LOVE! stop you from making a conscious decision that places your safety and self-respect above all else! Learning to love without fear is the greatest lesson that you can give to yourself. Love should never have you scared and confused, alone and abused, insecure or at risk.
Reminisce, revel in the moment and keep it moving! Hold on to the good memories and how love is supposed to be. But do not, under any circumstances go back to where your life is in jeopardy!
There is a good and valid reason that all you have left are your memories and a hoodie. Never forget what that reason is but, also don’t let that reason be the excuse you use to forget what love is!
Riding down the highway embarking on a 5 ½ hours long ride with my granddaughters and while I normally ride in silence, this time I let them pilot the music.
WELL! Suffice it to say that my analytical grandma’s always wanting to protect mines brain kicks in and my eyes get ta rollin’. How in the world did we get to the place where it is OK for our children to even know what being seen naked and wild thoughts are? When did it become OK for – the RADIO – to teach our children about healthy living and lifestyles, especially when the lyrics are talking about all your friends being dead and being pushed to the ledge?
EERRRTTT! Um, why are you‘ll listening to this crap?! Their response “Nannie, the dance is cute and the beat is nice”. UM but do you hear what they are saying? “Nannie we don’t listen to that”. OOH to hell you don’t! It’s all subliminal! So to appease me, they changed the station. AH perfect! Angie Stone followed by Joss Stone and I would’ve been happy with Sly or a Rolling Stone. Then the station faded out! Gosh darn it! Now it’s back to the new “rap game”. OK, breathe.
The first couple of songs, I bit my tongue. “In New York, I Milly Rock….”. Who in the devil (and that’s exactly what they are – The Devil) are Playboi Carti, Yung Uzi and Cardi B talking too? Why do my granddaughters, or any young girl for that matter, need to hear about you coming down from dancing on a pole to making boss moves with a mouth that spits out garbage? I need a break! But, before I can get my thoughts right to start this self-worth, self-love, self-respect conversation that I am about to have with them, Big Sean comes on. UGH! Right after this song, radio off and lessons on!
But, this song is a little different and they are actually singing the words. I was a little thrown off by the first line about jumping out the window, but by the time it got to the hook, I understood what he was saying – PERFECT! Now we are going to have this influential conversation. I go right in before the song even ends and ask them “do you girls know what he’s talking about?” and of course they said they didn’t. So now I get to do a lyrical breakdown of the song. I went straight for –
Know ya momma didn’t raise you to take no disrespect, yeah
(I feel) I feel like real queens know how to keep the game in check, yeah
The question isn't, "Do he love ya?"
The question is, "Do ya love yourself?"
We, as a community, talk a lot of crap about "these fast tailed girls" but guess what we aren't teaching them the importance of "taking it slow"! My goodness what happened to our daddy's taking us out on our 1st date and showing us what RESPECT LOOKS LIKE? What happened to our mothers (or grandmothers) sitting us down and having "the talk" with us and telling us how imperative it is for us to cherish and love ourselves, mind-body-and soul? What happened to passing notes that said "check YES or NO if you like me"? and you 1st real kiss was a peak on the cheek?
Have we come so far away from a time of self-worth, self-love and self-respect that we allow strangers who sing of quick fame, fast living, and speeding lifestyles to dictate how our daughters, granddaughters, sisters, nieces and cousins should move through life? Not I says the blind!
I see a brighter more respectful future (and present) for mine. What are you seeing for yours?
None of it comes with instructions and not all rules apply to every situation. But that doesn't mean that you don't give it your all. It doesn't mean that you get to give less than your very best. It doesn't mean that you should quit!
Contrary to what some many believe in themselves, you are much more resilient than you give yourself credit for. Yes the strong survive! but they are also human, which means that when their strength fails, their resolve takes up in its place until their strength is renewed.
During those times of perceived weakness, learning to inspire yourself and gathering inspiration from others is what you must do. Surround yourself with people that don't mind pouring into you. These are the people that teach you to do the same and when you are strong enough again you will undoubtedly do the same.
The purpose of your existence has been destined even before you were born. Your steps were ordered before your journey began. Your faith was measured before your prayers were spoken. It is by design that your latter days will be your best days - all you need is the inspiration to live your best life!
Tenacity. Determination. Perseverance. Fortitude. Persistence. Courage. Endurance. Strength - Your Best Life!
Sista's Blog Keeper
Not here to counsel you, not claiming to know all the answers, not trying to change your mind, not trying to direct your path. Here to listen, here to share, here to let you know that a Sista cares.