Today - I just want to encourage you by letting you know that it is NOT EVER TOO LATE to follow your dreams to create your reality.
We can’t keep putting off until later because time waits for no one and later will be here before you know it.
We have to release the fear of rejection and the guilt of failure. Start to see “no” as another opportunity. Begin to re-frame our thinking to know that a failed attempt is a lesson in learning what works and what doesn’t.
Being able to understand and know our strengths and weaknesses and being focused enough to make them work for us in all that we do is a learned gift!
Now, I know you are saying "how can you learn a gift?" Well, the same way that people learn to dance ballet or learn to play the piano or learn to sing. It begins with a desire from within that is inspired to movement.
When we begin learning who we are, we allow ourselves to accept who we can become. Take all that you have come to know of yourself - and BELIEVE IN THAT PERSON! You are worth it!
"I thought I was helping. Keeping quiet. Not exposing the truth."
"I don't want to deal with the gossip and rumors so I avoid the conversation."
"I thought I did a good job at covering it all up. No one sees."
Does either of these thoughts sound familiar to you? How do you feel repeating them out loud knowing the situation you are in?
What if I told you that these are the thoughts of an Enabler - Would you become offended? or would you bow your head in acknowledgement?
Can we talk?
The medical world describes an enabler as someone (normally a non-addict) that removes the consequences of another's (the addict’s) behavior and in most case it is a women that will more than likely become the enabler in an unstable/unbalanced relationship.
So, how is an unstable/unbalanced relationship defined?
the relationship can be ANY type of relationship - parent/child, sibling/sibling, husband/wife, friend/friend, etc.
and what exactly is the addiction?
the addiction can be varied and/or multiple - alcohol, drugs, abuse, gambling, sexual, and so on
and what should you know?
the consequences are of enabling real
Regardless of who the enabler is - the PROBLEM lies solely with the ADDICT and no matter how much COVERING UP is done - EVERYONE involved is hurting and exposed!
But you should also know that there is a way to stop the pain.
When we see that the person we are trying to help is morally, ethically, physically and mentally wrong, then we recognize the role that they play in the situation. Yes, we tell ourselves that we are "protecting", but really we are hiding. Hiding from the shame, embarrassment, and guilt of an action or actions from a person that was not our responsibility to bare from the beginning.
Once we begin to remove ourselves from the situation and view it for what it really is, we begin to see that the only way to overcome is to be accountable and if that means learning to let the other experience the consequences of their own actions – so be it.
So how do we separate ourselves from the situation that we feel so bound to defend? We STOP!
Stop ignoring the behavior
Stop avoiding the conversation
Stop explaining the action
Stop feeding the addiction
Stop shouldering the blame
Enabling is sometimes a slippery slope and in a helping situation, the line can be fine and easily crossed. But the key thing to remember is that help brings about an acknowledgement that results in a change and they have to be willing to change
Understanding that the hardest part of the process, after recognition, is the reprogramming of your own patterns of response, being able to adjust your mindset and your actions takes time.
You will also need to understand that this is THAT point where YOUR VOICE MATTERS most. This is THAT moment of starting to let go. And you will have to know within yourself that you will be OK with the outcome. This is THE point where you STOP and START again!
Start addressing the behavior
Start having the difficult conversation
Start exposing the action
Start starving the addiction
Start releasing blame
Call it tough love, let them say you are hardcore. Just because they said it doesn’t make it true. The only truth is that someone you love needs help, you tried to help and that help did more harm than good. It doesn’t make you a bad person, but the person you are has got to realize that you limits.
Not unlike so many before me and those who will come after, I thought that I had seemingly lost my ability to bring forth life. And then I realized that I had lost no such thing.
What I am learning is that I now have so many more birthing options! I can speak life! I can offer life! I can nurture life! I can foster life! I can be life!
Sometimes we can become so caught up in the ways of society that we miss out on the divine. Why must we believe that the only way to give birth is by force? When are we going to accept that emergence and creation are born within each of us and that our birthing process is individualized based on what of ourselves we choose to release.
Our every thought, our every word, our very being. We teach, we inspire, we encourage, we support, we birth. It is such a beautiful thing to have yourself surround new life and to have that life born into being. And please know that be it physical manifestation or spiritual revelation, you as the cradle of life have the divine blessing of helping each one of them to breath! and you always will.
Sista's Blog Keeper
Not here to counsel you, not claiming to know all the answers, not trying to change your mind, not trying to direct your path. Here to listen, here to share, here to let you know that a Sista cares.